Building the Perfect Beast

So, we have a new President, and I guess if I was a Liberal I'd be happy about that. It's kind of a weird situation for me, being that I'm a fan of the man, but not the man's policies or politics. I like his charisma, his demand of the bully pulpit, his determination. I admire him as a family man, and a man of decent morals. But that's about it.

I'm not going to dredge this blog through the minutia of it all, that would take forever. I just hope that he starts to show some substance soon, instead of all style. That would be nice. And a little humility. Humility is a good thing, too, and I hear it goes a long way.

The Inauguration cost $170 million dollars. We're in the worst economic downturn since the Depression and we're spending $170 million. Nice. Ever hear of that word recession? Yeah, we're in the middle of one.

Perhaps his first big act as President should have been to tone down the festivities. But we all know Liberals are not fiscally conservative. (And to be fair, W wasn't very fiscally conservative either, despite all his claims to be.)

Alright, I'll end it here before I really start to rant. Maybe he'll go moderate and I won't have to worry so much.

One can only hope.

Sunkist Fueled Rambling

Listen. Shhh. Can you hear that? The silence.

It's quiet in my house. A rarity. The kids are watching a movie so I figured I'd take the few minutes I have to update. Now that I'm sitting here typing, I can't think of what I want to say. Typical.

The holidays were wonderful, as usual. Great food, good company, peaceful, happy, content, relaxing, lovely, lazy days. Santa treated the kids very well this year, and why shouldn't he have? They are amazing children, polite, well behaved.....exactly what we're raising them to be. They deserved every gift the fat man brought them. I got some nice stuff too, from the hubby. The Southern Vampire Series of books (aka The Sookie Stackhouse Novels) and I blew through them, thanks to my insane love of the True Blood series. Great books, good little mysteries, and vampires. Who can ask for anything more? I also got my laptop for Christmas this year, which I'm THRILLED with. My old PC had just about bit it. It was eating bookmarks and doing all kinds of funny things, so it was time to get something new. I love my laptop. I'm writing this very blog from the comfort of my own living room, rather than stuck down in my cold, little office. Can't beat it with a stick.

Going back to work after Christmas was hard, but I'm glad I'm back. It makes the time go quickly and I am SO ready for summer. I know that may sound ridiculous, but I've had enough cold and snow. Enough! I need some vacation time and beach and barbeque. I should just move south and get it over with. Now...to just convince the hubby. HA. Never happen.

I'm working on finding musical instruction teachers for my kids. My son wants to take guitar and my daughter wants to do piano. I think it's great they have such an interest in music now. They have good taste too, thanks to me, of course. My son's new mp3 player has been filled up with Weezer, Def Leppard, Metallica, Nirvana, The Beatles, etc. He's got good taste. Can't get him into Crowded House or Neil Finn though, but that's okay. He's into the heavier stuff. He'll someday realize the awesomeness that is Neil Finn and he will submit. Oh yes, he will.

So, that's that. Just a quick update. 2009 has been pretty good so far, and it's only getting better. *snort* That makes me think of a guy that I used to work for at Miron Lumber. A few times a year, the whole company would get together for these big meetings and he would say, "When people ask you how you're doing, say 'I'm super....and gettin' better!'" Yuck. I hate optimists. They annoy me. He also used to call me That Girl, like the show. I guess her name was Anne Marie too. He'd say "Hey, it's THAT Girl!" with a big, smarmy smile on his face.

I should have thrown a bucket of herpes at him when I had the chance.

Flip Me Some Bird

It's two days before Thanksgiving and I'm starving. Two small facts of my life at the moment. Hubby is late coming in from work and since no one has work/school tomorrow, we're waiting for him to eat. In the meantime, I shall shrivel up and wither away from hunger.

Well, not really. I have enough body fat to last me a decade or so. But I'm still working on that.

Things have been generally good. Kids are good, hubby is fine, work is swell. It's been nice having this week off from work (half days for the kids, no lunches!) and taking a break from chicken nuggets and grilled cheese sandwiches. By the time I go back next Monday, I'm sure I'll be refreshed and ready to nugget once again. I swear, I don't know how the kids don't get sick of that stuff, but they love it. My lunch counts have been higher than ever.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving on Thursday. I have my turkey thawing and my shopping is complete. We'll be seeing the family and eating at my Aunt's. The food I cook here is for us. By 10:00 Thanksgiving night, we're all pretty hungry again and looking for leftovers so I cook a little bit here too. Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, (homemade, not that slop from a can) biscuits. So when we get home that night, we have a little nosh, put the kids to bed, pop open a bottle of wine and relax. Can't wait. I'm really ready for the holidays this year.

Speaking of wine, we had a bottle of amazing Moroccan Syrah the other night. Don't remember the exact name off the top of my head, but it was very fun, fruit forward, spicy, and earthy, lots of cherry and clove. It was excellent paired up with some Double Gloucester and Camembert. Loved it. We drank the whole bottle and went to bed feeling loopy. What a treat!

Bummer note: True Blood wrapped up it's season this past Sunday night. It's sucks. (Maybe for True Blood, that would be a compliment?) What a great season ender, though. I never thought Rene would be the killer, NEVER. I was literally on the edge of my seat watching poor, frying Bill trudging through the sun to try to save Sookie, only to fail. Thank God Sam/Dog came to the rescue, and Sookie cutting Rene's head off was a bit of irony not lost on me! Excellent stuff there. Anyway, slow clap for True Blood Season 1. It was outstanding. Those are some DVD's I'll be scooping up as soon as they're available.

Guess that's it for now. Hopefully, I'll be able to update before Christmas, but you never know around here. My few spare moments are normally spent catching a few winks, and things are so busy from here on out. Cooking, cleaning, entertaining, working, blah blah blah. And shopping. Let's not forget the shopping.

Santa's job is never done, you know.

V-Juice and Other Stuff

I'm loving HBO's new series "True Blood". Totally awesome. Loving hottie vampire, Anna Paquin is fantastic, great story so far... so that can only mean one thing.

They'll cancel it. That seems to be the pattern.

"What's that? Annie in upstate New York likes this show? Cancel it! Immediately! There shall be no more Vampiric joy in her life!"

Dramatic? Yes. Realistic? No. Probability? Better than good.

So anyway, I'll enjoy it while it lasts and restrain myself from looking at the ratings reports. Why torture myself? I'd rather have hottie vampire do it anyway. Speaking of which...let me take a moment to look up the good looking fanged one...

Stephen Moyer. Great choice for the part. He has the tortured/dead/lovesick/dark/handsome/mysterious/sexy vampire thing down cold. Click on his name if you wish to check out his IMDB site and drool for yourself.

Still hitting the gym regularly. Down 24 lbs. so far and still going strong, plus I'm becoming one lean, mean, toned beast! Still can't believe how well it's going and how motivated I still am. That's unusual for me, to say the least.

Work is going great too, besides a few glitches that I actually took myself out of the middle of today. Being caught between your boss and the principal of the school is a bit sticky, but I was able to gracefully excuse myself today so they could hash things out on their own. I've had my say over the situation, now they can make the big executive decisions. *snort*

Hubby's 33rd birthday was this past Saturday. I wish I was 33 again. Not that I'm old, but I'm older than him and that sticks in my craw these days. And to think, 15 years ago it was fun being a cradle robber. Hee. Anyway, we bought him X-Box 360 and Rock Band for his present. He loved it and we've all been obsessed with Rock Band ever since. Our band is on a world tour now, last spotted in Stockholm if I remember correctly and we were kicking ass. Long live Undercooked Pork!

It's been nice having the kids back in school. At least they're no longer scratching each others eyes out during the day anymore. They go their separate ways and by 3:30 are ready to come home and be friends again. It's a good thing. Mostly for me because by Labor Day I was ready to feed them both to the dog.

So, the mornings are getting crisp and cold, the leaves are once again beginning to change colors, and fall is here. Love this time of year. Time to bust out the boots and sweaters, pull up the blanket, tuck away the air conditioners, and leave summer behind for another year. It was a good one, but I'm glad to see it end.

I was getting tired of shaving my legs so much.

I Don't Wanna Get With the Program....

It's almost my son's birthday...tomorrow, he'll be turning eight. How the hell have eight years gone by already? It almost seems impossible, really. What a hideous birth that was, and what an amazing child came from it. I guess it holds true then that where there is pain, there is pleasure. Or something like that. You know what I'm trying to say. Either way, Happy Birthday, Pumpkin Puss. I love you more than life.

So, my biggest news is that I joined a gym. Hubby and I both did, actually, and I'm surprised to find that I LOVE it. I love the challenge of the weights circuit and I love pushing myself on the cardio machines. I feel better than I have in ages. I actually have energy all day long, and I'm toning and losing weight and building muscle. Funny, isn't it? Those gyms actually do what they claim to do. Har de har.

Now, I'm not foolish enough to think I'll ever get back to looking like I did in High School. (120 lbs. and I thought I was FAT. Can you imagine? What an idiot I was.) Two kids and years of bad eating have wreaked havoc on my body, but I'm ready to do this in a serious and earnest manner. I have to. It's time and I know that any kind of improvement is a good improvement. Just getting my blood pumping four times a week is a really, really great thing. And funnily enough, I find that when I exercise, I want to eat better too. It all goes hand in hand and so far so good.

Hubby surprised me with a trip to the beach for my birthday. Spent three blissful days in Cape May soaking in the sun. We had perfect weather the whole time and the kids had a blast, I picked up Craig McManus' Ghosts of Cape May Book 2 while I was there, and came home rested and rejuvenated. There's nothing like beach time to chill you out. At least for me. There's something about the sand, sun, and crashing waves that just DOES it for me. *Sigh* I'd give anything for a few more days before summer ends, but I don't think it will happen. It's busy time now.

The actual day of my birthday was extremely low key and anti-climactic, just as I wanted it. I did nothing out of the norm....cooked, cleaned, played with kiddies....and hubby brought a cake when he arrived from work. The kids blew out the candles and I had one skinny slice of chocolate heaven, so as not to negate the awesome workout I'd had the day before. Now THAT'S dedication. *snort*

And so, tomorrow will commence with the Indiana Jones themed activities for my son.....lots of Indy toys, eyeball punch, spider webs, tiki torches and of course, snakes. Sorry, Indy, but it had to be snakes. I find it to be one of those fun little ironies in life that my son loves Indiana Jones at this age, considering the first movie came out when *I* was eight as well. Seems he's inherited my love for the rugged Archaeologist.

And Harrison Ford is still a hottie. Even if he's 66.

Post Vacation Musings

So, here I sit at 10:49 on a Thursday night, the kids are asleep, the dog is snoring soundly, hubby is on a plane home from Atlanta, and I'm clicking away at a new entry as I load up all the pictures from our Florida trip. It's taking forever. My computer is only four years old and it already sucks.

The trip went well. Visiting with the relatives was wonderful, dare I say the best four days of the entire vacation. My Aunt's house in Boca is quite large. Very large. Extremely large. Great pool, hot tub, sauna, huge bedrooms with private bathrooms...I mean, it's a vacation unto itself. It was relaxing and fun and SO incredible to see everyone. I cried like a baby when we left. I freely admit that. I was okay until my Uncle teared up and then it was over.

From there, we spent a day in Melbourne (no, not THAT Melbourne) on the beach. Absolutely gorgeous. One of the nicest beaches I've ever been on, and I've been on many. Perfect weather, perfect everything.

Disney was great. I will say, it was unbearably hot, which, unfortunately, was not the only unbearable thing that we were dealing with. I won't go into details, but just know that I held on through the whole week by the skin of my teeth. The kids, though, loved the whole thing....Magic Kingdom, Hollywood Studios-- which was the big hit I think, what with the High School Musical show and all and my showdown with a pushy English cow that decided to push in front of my kids. My kids have a whole new respect for me now I think. *snort*--and Epcot. It was a fun few days, I'll admit, but the last time I'll ever travel there in July. You'd think I'd have learned a lesson after my honeymoon.

I was ready for home after two weeks though. There's nothing like your own bed and your own bathroom after awhile. Sometimes, you just gotta pee with the door open, ya know?

And so, I await my birthday and my sons birthday, coming shortly. It's bound to be a lovely August.

All I know is, I better get back to the beach. My tan is fading.

Rasputin Was An Evil Genius and Other Uninteresting Thoughts

Crap.

Has it really been since February since I've updated this thing? Time surely does fly and I stink at keeping up with it. I feel like I just started work and here we are, mere weeks away from the end of the school year.

So, I'm sitting here on a fine Friday evening, listening to the dulcet sounds of Grant Wilson, pianist, artist, author, and paranormal investigator extraordinaire. I quite like the piano music on his My Space site. I'm not normally one for this kind of music, but this is pretty. And it's soothing. And he's awful cute. *Gets all shallow*

Check out his music, though, if you have a chance and like that sort of stuff. It's real purty.

So, we've decided to bring the kids to Disney this year. They're old enough to remember it now, and it's an experience I want them to cherish. I'm looking forward to it as well, although I think I'm just looking forward to any vacation at this point. I'm just hoping we're able to squeeze in some beach time while in Florida...in between seeing relatives and licking The Mouse's head, there better be some beach activity or I'll probably cry.

And no. I'm trying very hard NOT to think about how hot it's going to be in Florida in July, okay? So quit bringing it up.

I'm more worried about the fact that it'll cost more money for us to drive there then it will to actually spend a week in the Disney complex. Seriously, $4.29 a gallon? I think I'm going to puke. The last time we drove to Florida in '01, I remember complaining that gas in Boca Raton was $1.59.

$1.59.

I'd chew off my left breast for $1.59 gas.

Music has changed, now. I just put on Weezers latest. The Red Album. To go along with the Green and Blue ones, of course. Love this one much. It's another road that Rivers is taking us on....kind of a sentimental journey of sorts, completely different from Make Believe but just as illicit. Standouts so far: "Dreamin'" and "Pig". And Rivers is sporting a really cool vintage 1890's cowboy type look, complete with OK Corral moustache. I'm digging it. But I always dig Rivers. He's distinctive. And his music gives me joy.

There's not been much else going on, besides the fact that I'm obviously still away from the computer much more than I used to be, and I do miss it. I just haven't had the oomph to sit and play at night, but I do have friends that I need to catch up with. Hi, friends!

So, I'll bring to a close this completely tedious and dreary entry with hopes that I'll have something more interesting to write about next time.

I'm such an apathetic ass!

I Know He's Dennis and Dee's Father Now But....

Had to take a moment and look up Stephen Collins as Jake Cutter, after the mention in yesterdays entry.

I had pretty good taste back then, I must say!




On my days off from skinny, angsty musicians, I go for the rugged, sturdy type.

Words Fail Me.....Sometimes

Last night, I was reading through some old stories that I've written, mostly short stories, or vignettes, I should say, because I rarely have time to get an entire story written out due to...well...life....and you know, I used to really have fun writing. There was one story in there, in particular, that I thought was really good, a little piece of fic that I'd written for a friend. I won't get into the details of it, but hot damn.....I did a good job on that one.

Another story in there is/was a longer piece of fanfic that I started that I still want to finish someday, and hopefully, I'll find the time here and there to do so. I'm sure by the time that happens, there won't be a soul alive interested in reading it, but at least I'll have the satisfaction of reading it myself.

I truly do wonder sometimes how long the actual fanfic genre has been acknowledged....whether it's just a virtual thing or if it was around in some form (besides in peoples personal lives) before that, because I recently found some stories I wrote while cleaning out my parents house (another whole blog in itself) from around 1982 and 1983, when I was 10 or 11. They were stories about that old show "Tales Of the Gold Monkey" which I was obsessed with (and YES, Stephen Collins as Jake Cutter was my first major celebrity crush). There were 4 or 5 short, but complete stories about adventures with Jake and I and the Golden Goose and the dog Jack....and I have to say, they weren't half bad. The female heroine of the show, Sarah, was "conspicuously" missing from all the stories.....a conscious decision of my adolescent brain, no doubt, because I'm quite sure I wanted Jake all to myself back then. Ah, the raging hormones of a 10 year old. Ick.

So anyway, it was pretty cool to find the stories (and many, many others) and realize that writing is something that I've always done, in some shape or form. At least I know that the person I am now is just the natural continuation of the person I was then. I'm just older, wiser, and have a better vocabulary. And much, MUCH more experience to draw on.

On a completely different note, I'm currently LOVING two new CD's I bought over the weekend: The White Stripes "Icky Thump" and Rivers Cuomo's "Alone". Pure musical happiness, let me tell you. "Icky Thump" just makes me want to get up and go seven ways of crazy and Jack White is all kinds of sexy. Rivers "Alone" CD is essentially an album of Weezer demo's, and I LOVE demo's. There's nothing better than witnessing first hand the evolution of a song, and Rivers has one of those flat out, open book, honest voices that I crave. There's not many that have them, but he's one. At least in my opinion. Anyway, this CD has a lot of demo's, some released before, some "leaked" over the years, but it's nice to have this compilation all together in one place. I'm a big Weezer fan, but I'd not heard many of these before.....thorough musical bliss!

And so, accompanied by good music, I am off to sojourn into the familiar territory of dinner preparation and home work supervision.

Until we blog again.

The Most Wonderful Time Of the Year...

So.

I'm back to work. Couldn't you tell? There hasn't been a blog here in like what....? A month and a half? I've been so freaking tired at night that I've consistently been in bed by 11:30. Me. In bed. 11:30. It's almost like an anomaly or something.

I started back to work the week leading up to Thanksgiving, doing something that I fell into completely by accident, but that I've ended up absolutely loving. I put my name in for substituting at a neighboring school district (my kids district wasn't hiring, unfortunately, but this district has essentially the same schedule) and within a week, I was interviewed for a substitute cafeteria position and within another week, I was made the head cook at the districts Intermediate School (grades 3-5), cooking lunch for 350 kids every day. Talk about a whirlwind.

Let me tell you, though. Being a sedentary creature for the last 5 years has NOT helped me prepare for this job. At all. I start at 9:00am every day, and I don't sit down until 1:30 when I climb into my car to go home. It's constant physical activity, which my body has taken it's own sweet time getting used to. The aches and pains and muscle strain the first couple of weeks was devastating, but I'm finally getting there. For anyone who anytime in their life has ever made fun of a cafeteria lady...take it back. Take it back now. There are no harder workers in ANY school anywhere than those that prepare that meal for those kids every day. I can say that now that I'm among their ranks. The job I do every day kicks my ass.

And I absolutely, positively LOVE IT. It's the best job I've ever done. Ever. Not only do I love the fast pace and the responsibility that I have, but I adore the women I work with. In a very short time we've become a well oiled machine, and better than that, we've become friends, which I'm sad to say, was something that was sorely lacking in my life. My real life anyway. I have cyber friends that I love dearly (and have neglected awfully lately. Me bad), but having that personal contact every day is something that I didn't realize I needed so much. I was becoming a bit of a Hermitt McDermitt in my own home, but thankfully, that's now been remedied. I can't live the life of a hermit. It's way too lonely. No offense to hermits.

Oh, and bringing home a paycheck again feels great. No complaints there.

The best part is that I leave after my kids leave and I'm home before they get home. They don't even miss me. I'm blessed. I truly did fall into the perfect job for me.

Oh...one more added perk. Since I've been busting my ass, running around like a mad woman, and drinking more water than I have in ages, I've managed to lose 12 pounds. Not bad!

So, we're 10 or so days away from Christmas again, I'm just about done shopping, and I'm dumbfounded that the holiday is upon us again already. It feels like once we get past Halloween, the time just flies. But it's good. Our tree is gorgeous and the kids are uber excited so it'll be fine. I'm just hoping that I have the oomph to do all the cooking that I normally do. I'm so whupped I don't want to do anything at night!

On a slightly sad note, one of our parakeets died on Sunday. My little Finback, aka Finn. Rest in peace, little fella. I loved you.

I feel like there was so much more that I wanted to write about, but now that I've sat and begun typing, it's all escaped me. It'll come back to me tonight when I'm lying in bed pondering my day, as so many things often do. Why is it that my best thinking comes on the brink of sleep instead of when my hands are on the keyboard?

I guess that's one of life's little mysteries best left unsolved.

Alright

Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright.....ALRIGHT!



Gah, I love the Beatles.

Two Blogs In One Day

Being that blog time is one hour behind my real time, I can effectively name this blog as stated above. My wit is astounding. *rolls eyes*

Anyway...

I unabashedly love Neil Finn. I've never made any bones about that to anyone. I try to keep my raving about him to a minimum here, or maybe I'll refer to him discreetly, but this post is dedicated to YOU, Neil Finn, because you deserve it!

Let's get one thing straight first. The man is a phenomenal talent. Even if you don't like his melodies, take a moment to read his lyrics. Then, read them again. Find something different the second time? You'll find something different the third and fourth as well. His words are gloriously open ended, vague, sometimes confusing, but so personal and cohesive that you often find yourself shaking your head and saying "Yes...yes. That's me. I GET it." It's his ability to let the listener find themselves in his songs that makes his music timeless. A Neil Finn song is unmistakable. It's instantly recognizable. It's as close to musical nirvana as one can hope to get.

"It's so far to fall and so hard to climb
Nothing sadder I know, than the passing of time..."

The middle eight from "English Trees", a sublimely melancholy song, with a soft, lilting melody that takes you through grief, pain, mourning, loss...and even though Neil wrote it, it could be about anyone's loss, anyone's grief, anyone's pain. It's one of his more personal songs, but it's written in such a way that it's personal to everyone. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but if you hear the song, you'll understand exactly what I mean.

But even his personal experiences can pop up in ethereal ways:

"Vacant eyes can't describe my hunger for your billowing arms.."

The imagery and the emotion in that line has always struck me. Vacant. Hungry. Billowing. So very beautiful, but rooted in such a subjective response. It sounds like a lovers lament, but really, it's all about missing a departed loved one. And it's perhaps one of the most haunting and passionate expressions of sorrow I've ever heard.

"I lean the slightest bit towards you
White turns into brown
light goes to black
your eyes danced in my reflection
and the horse ate my trousers"

Quite histrionic, isn't it? The play on words, the use of contradictory colors, the good fading into bad, the light going to dark. And to make light of the whole situation, an unfortunate true story of a hungry horse in an open field, nibbling on his pants. I mean...who else can DO that in a song and make it sound so good?

There are too many superb lyrical references for me to start listing them all, but I have my favorites, which I'm sure some of you have seen pop up now again in posts or sig lines and banners. I have my constant favorites, and then, once in awhile, a line will pop out at me from a song I've heard tons of times and suddenly take on new meaning, or it will suddenly become relevant in my life for one reason or another. An example:

"Love this life, even when it's holding you down..."

A line from a song from 1988. I can conservatively estimate that I'd heard this song at least 500 times in the last 20 years, then one day, that line had meaning for me. Significance. Relevance. I was stressed out and feeling generally down on everything...and POP. Talk about putting things into perspective.

When I was finally able to meet Neil last August, it truly was a dream come true. I'd been waiting 20 years...20 YEARS! Music has always been a transcendent thing for me, and to finally shake the hand of the one person who has been a constant for me was a deeply moving experience. He was as wonderful as I always dreamed he would be. He was earnest and thankful, easy and warm. He looked me in the eye. He was genuine. It reaffirmed my faith and my devotion. It validated my admiration.

I now know, at this point in my life, that having a talent based appreciation for someone can often result in a visceral and aesthetic appreciation as well. And an appreciation I certainly do have. I'll admit to having a crush on Neil for a very long time now. What can I say? I'm a sucker for an accent! I won't spend too much time expostulating about his finer features (although there are many) but I'll leave it simply by saying that his innate talent gives me a greater appreciation of ...uh....his OTHER talents.

That's to say, he has the most gorgeous blue-green eyes on earth and the easiest, sexiest smile. There. I said it. Now deal with it.

I won't even get into the hands.

The hands.....

Ahem.

So anyway, there is my short, but honest amblings. I know I've bored you to death, but that's okay. I enjoyed writing it. And now that it's all off my chest, I can go back to my normal, cliched crap.

But that's not to say, there won't be more discreet references....

I Realized Something Today

You can't force a good blog. Or even a bad one. Sometimes, I can manage something mediocre, but mostly, I just need to wait for inspiration to hit, which is not happening now, so I'll put you out of your misery and end this one here.

I wish I had a bologna sandwich.

A Vision Spectacular In Grace

So, everything has been good. Life has been chugging along at a nice, slow, even pace. No curve balls, no forks in the road, nothing life altering or even remotely strange. It's been good. Very good.

The house thing is at a stall right now...okay, maybe more of a low idle. My parents have decided to go another route for some reason, so it looks like the big "living together" thing has taken a nosedive. I'm not sure what the reason is for them backing out of this...maybe they just wanted their own place, maybe they couldn't stand the thought of having to live with me....who knows. Either way, it was kind of a surprise after how gung ho they were about it at first. But hey, it's their life, their choices, their decisions. In one of life's great ironies, I find that I have to let my parents go.

We did find a house we liked though. A beautiful raised ranch with a full apartment underneath. It's a gorgeous house, and it would afford us more room AND a source of income if we were able to rent out the bottom. It needs a little bit of updating, but it was a foreclosure and the price is SO right. So right in fact, that we could move on it today, but we're waiting. The bank has lowered the price twice in three months that we've had our eye on it, so we're waiting to see if they lower it again. So either we buy the house or we stay here and expand. Either way, we win.

On a side note, the trees here in upstate New York are about to take center stage. All the trees now have brilliant tinges of strawberry red, yellow, bright orange, and eggplant purple and when the sun hits them just right, it's like they come alive in a sparkling array of glistening light. It truly is one of life's little pleasures to go out your front door and have your breath taken away by the wonder that nature can create. In two weeks time, the colors will peak, the roads will be packed with leaf peepers, and I'll truly remember why it is that I love this part of the country so much.

And then, with a brisk October wind, it will all be gone.

It's good, though. Because watching your children jump into crisp fallen leaves is ANOTHER of life's little pleasures. There's just something about kissing a little nose that's red with cold, cheeks that are flush with the uninhibited abandon of childhood. I sit here and smile just thinking about their faces all wide eyed with laughter and love and mischievous fun.

I mean, truly. Is there anything better?

E Noi Dovrem Ahime, Morir....Morir....

"Il nome mio nessun sapra"

In English: "and my name no one will know"

What irony.

"Dilegua, notte! Tramontante, stella! Tramontante, stella! All'alba vincero...vincero...vincero!"

In English: "Disperse, oh night! Vanish, oh stars! Vanish, oh stars! At daybreak, I will win, I will win, I will win!"

I remember my Grandmother and my old Aunt Raimonda vividly...sitting in my Grandparents kitchen singing Italian songs...and this one always stood out. It's one of the first songs I learned completely in Italian, and even though I didn't know what I was singing, I had an inkling that there was something magical about it.

It wasn't until many years later, when I finally saw HIM sing it, and grew to learn what the words were and meant, that I realized exactly how magical it was.




Riposarse nella pace, Luciano.

My Memory Has Never Been the Best...

You know, today when I was driving to the store, I had a really good idea for a blog, but I've since forgotten what it was.

Which begs the question:

Was it really a good idea?

Because, you know, if it was so good, shouldn't I be able to remember it?

I guess some synapses must have misfired today. Or I have one less wrinkle on the old brain. Or maybe, I shouldn't think while driving.

Ghosts Appear and Fade Away

I hate introspection.

And hormones.

I hate those, too.

They both suck.

And having him in my head doesn't help either. He comes and goes. Comes and goes.

For Baby (For Gigi)

So, officially, in one day, I will be sending my not-quite-5-year-old daughter off to her first day of school. She has all of her supplies ready, her Tinkerbell backpack, her first day outfit all picked out. She's ready to go.

The problem is, someone is actually going to have to pry her from my arms Wednesday morning because there is no way in H-E double hockey sticks that I can let my baby get on that big bus. No way. She's too little. She's still just my baby girl....isn't she?

She was born on a Thursday, early in the morning, after much pushing and pain, and the moment I looked into those licorice eyes, it was all over for me. She was so beautiful, with that head of black hair and her tiny, grasping hands and baby feet. She slept and she ate and that's all she did for months, until slowly, surely, things started happening. Rolling, lifting, crawling, walking, talking. Emerging was a wisp of a girl with a very big personality. Now, nearly 5 years later, she's confident, intelligent, bossy, funny, stunningly beautiful, and so much like me it's actually scary.

I'm not ashamed to say that I don't want her to go. If I could keep her here with me forever, sheltered in her little pink room with her duckie blankie I would. I'm still not accepting that she's a school age child now, and my time as a parent to babies and toddlers is over. I guess I'm mourning a little bit. No one is completely dependent on me anymore. I don't have to feed or bathe or diaper or carry. No more soft lullabies, no more quiet moments sleeping in my arms, no more stroking her hair as she dreams in her bed.

She might cry and I won't be there to comfort her. That's my job. That's what I'm supposed to do. How do I get through the day knowing she might be sad without me and I have no way to help her be happy? How do I make it from hour to hour knowing the uncertainty she must feel?

I don't know. Maybe I'm underestimating my daughter. After all, she is one confident little chick. She'll probably be fine, playing and laughing and making friends while I'm home clutching her blankie and weeping into her pillow. Wednesday morning at 8:35 will NOT be one of my finer moments.

She's not just Daddy's rainbow, not only his pot of gold, or precious gem. She's all of those things to me too.

She's truly my bright and shining star.

I guess the house will be a bit darker during the days now.

Good luck, my girl. My little barrelina, my princess and the pea, my Gi-liscious.

You make your Mommy so proud.

Might Be Getting Crazy, Might Be Wise...

It's official.

My mother has lost it.

We've spent the last two weeks touring houses, searching MLS listings, speaking tirelessly about real estate and the pros/cons of eat in kitchens and she hasn't found one single redeeming quality in one single house we've looked at. It's because she's not mentally ready to sell her house and move and retire and all that, but she needs to get mentally ready or she's going to drive me bat shit insane.

I feel for her. I really, REALLY do. I can't imagine what it's like to have to sell the house you built, the house you brought your children home to and raised them in. She's extremely attached to her things (and as evidence of such, she hasn't actually changed any decor in the house since 1968) and she doesn't actually WANT to do any of this. But she has to because that lovely, wonderful institution called Social Security--you know, the program that was supposed to take care of my mothers generation during their golden years--is barely giving her enough money to buy toilet paper with...and wiping your ass is a pretty important thing! (If FDR was alive today, I'd beat him with his own leg braces.) Along with her pension, and the fact that my Dad has a couple more years to work, they'll survive, but there's no way they can keep their house, sadly.

So, our solution is to go in on a house together. A mother/daughter type deal for a mother and a daughter. We even found a mother/daughter real estate team! No shitting! It's the type of residence that can benefit all of us. They can live peacefully knowing they'll be taken care of in their old age, for a meager amount of money, and we can finally get our butts into a bigger place. Works out for everyone, right?

Not.

Every house has a problem. Every house is unsatisfactory...for her. I've seen some doozies that I LOVED that would work out great for us, but in the spirit of compromise, they're overlooked because it wasn't right for EVERYONE. Okay, I can deal. But in the meantime, my house is going on the market in a couple of weeks and if it sells fast, I'm up the proverbial creek without a paddle in sight. It'll be back to renting for a bit until we can all settle on something, I guess. And renting sucks.

I've tried talking to her about it all, and I know she's not purposefully trying to be difficult, but if she doesn't get herself into the right head space soon, I'm going to abandon the whole thing, because frankly, babying my mother is having an adverse effect on me. The more I baby her, the more I want to curl up into my own fetal position and cry.

Don't get me wrong. I love her. I would do anything for her. I owe her my life, but holy, HOLY LORD, I guess I'm just not compassionate enough to get her through this. Thank God for my brother. He's the same kind of emotive-never-wants-change kind of person that she is and he's been good for her to talk to. I think it's because I'm too close to the whole thing. I'm so anxious for my OWN change, that I'm not seeing how anxious this change is making HER. Or at least, I'm not as soft about it.

Dios Mio.

I'm even speaking Spanish. It must be bad.

I know that something will work out eventually. I know that everything will fall into its own karmic place in it's own due time.

I just have to stop checking my watch.

Standing On A Wave....Again

Off to the beach, chicos y chicas! Rhode Island, here we come. I need more sun and fun before the fall claims us.

That is all. Carry on as normal.